You know, I should start with a bang, get people reading my thoughts... who knows, maybe I'll make some money on ads since I'm a wage whore like most of the rest of the free world. (I'll use it to buy more role playing books instead of just pirating everything like the scum-fuck I am.)
So why do I blog about role playing? There's certainly enough people out there writing shit, and a quick search reveals dozens if not hundreds of sites such as "The Musings of the Chatty DM" and so on and so forth. Well, one thing I have learned in my time playing online is that there are a horrible number of twinks out there, a massive number of idiots and flamers and arrogant bastards, and not enough straight-forward, no-bullshit kinda people. What do I mean by no bullshit? Who the hell am *I* to write fuck-all about role playing to begin with? (And the hell is a twink?)
Well, I am no one special. I've been playing for almost 30 years, which makes me nothing but a guy who's seen and done some STUPID shit, but I am not special. Reply, flame me, whatever. Have fun, but my skin is nomex, you can't take my job or my life or my happy place away, and I don't care if you like me or not based on my limited English skills and a blog you read for fifteen minutes (or for a few seconds) on a semi-regular basis. My feeling will not get hurt if you find my thoughts of an unworthy-of-your-caliber-of-play nature.
So no, I'm no one special, how does this qualify me to cut through the bullshit?
It doesn't.
So why am I calling myself the no-bullshit ST? Because I don't pull punches. Why should I? Let me splain' dis ta ya. I'm GOING to piss YOU off. At some point I am going to point out something that you - indeed we have all done. I hope to make everyone laaauuuggghhh and go "Yeah, it is kinda dorkfish when I do that shit..." Frankly, however, like Carlos Mencia, at some point you are going to be pointing at your screen with that vein poping out on your forhead screaming "Fuck you! Fuck you, you white-trash cock bite mother fucker!" I. Do. Not. Care. AND neither should you, because NO role playing game is worth getting pissed off over. And if something I rant about this week or the next strikes a nerver, well, I hope you stop and think about it rather than turning off your PC and pouting at your dog while you sit in your parents basement and wonder why you have no life at 37.
Oh, but that's a rant for a completely different time and day! I have SO much to write about! Cyber Bunnies and REAL life slut players, combat monkeys and people who have no imagination, thieves, blow-hards, smack-talkers, you name it! And of course, I intend to give out props when they are due. (Of course, that's about as often as A politician tells the truth, but it HAS been known to happen that someone does something right online.) And yep, along the way I will talk a little about my own merry band of table top 'tards.
Oh, and a twink is an idiot who makes a character in a role playing game that's WAY too powerful; with the good looks of James Bond, the Suave of Sean Connory, the Gunnery skills of Rambo, the sword wielding abilities of The Highlander, the Martial arts of Chuck Norris, and a massive pecker with which to impress alllll the women.
By now it should also be painfully obvious that I am not politicially correct. I don't care. I think PC is a way of saying "Bend over so the ACLU can ream your ass out until it's roughly as large as the rims on a crack dealer's Beemer." Fuck political correctness. I will call 'em like I see 'em, and keep it to role playing, a topic the ACLU thankfully has not yet fucked up and driven into the ground like a lawn dart dropped from the space shuttle. I don't hate the ACLU, just everything they do and stand for, by the way. I'm lying, the ACLU doesn't begin to enter into my tiny little insignificant pissant world, but I glare menacingly when they are brought up.
Why Fireman? Because I was one many moons ago and still hold my certifications, because I also played the Fireman at one time... someone might stumble across this and KNOW precisely who I am, I don't care, I never hid from the real world. Isn't it amazing how meek people turn into Raving, psychotic asshats the SECOND they are "safely" anonymous behind a computer screen? (Not to mention how BAD their grammar gets?) So really, in time who I am will be known, and there's definately a few ass holes out there who would read this blog and flaaammmeee the hell out of me. Don't sing it, bring it, I ain't skaired and I won't hide behind anonymity intentionally.
One last thing. I like people. I really do. Come in, drag up a chair, sit down, and talk with me. The world is a wonderful place, so don't fuck it up by being an ass hole and I'll try not to piss ya off too bad, but I'm going to make fun of foolishness NOW, and forever.
-The Fireman
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